Welcome to Declassified, a weekly column looking at the lighter side of politics. When you meet the queen of England, you’re not supposed to turn your back on her presumably in case she steals something. Clearly when you meet the Duchess of Cornwall, you’re supposed to fart. That’s allegedly what happened when Joe Biden met Camilla at the COP26 climate talks in Glasgow — with the president doing a terrible job at reducing emissions. The duchess “hasn’t stopped talking about” Biden’s fart, an “informed source” told the Mail on Sunday in what may be the greatest use of media sourcing in years. Move over, Deep Throat, here comes Deep Colon. You may like “It was long and loud and impossible to ignore,” the Mail wrote about the fart — the breaking of wind, not the leader, I hasten to add. Of course, “loud and impossible to ignore” was also how people used to describe Biden’s predecessor Donald Trump, whose surname in British English means, well, fart. Trump himself was no stranger to embarrassing mishaps in front of the British royals and the rest of the world, famously keeping Queen Elizabeth waiting for 12 minutes while he ate cheeseburgers probably and then claiming that it was in fact Her Majesty who was late — an offense punishable by 10 years locked up in the Tower of London hopefully. Americans have a habit of making faux pas in front of royals. Michelle Obama once put her arm around Queen Elizabeth, a major no-no because the monarch is a master of Brazilian jiu-jitsu and liable to knock your teeth down your throat maybe. And back in 1977, then-President Jimmy Carter kissed the Queen Mother on the lips, a shocking move that, under arcane British law, meant the two had to marry. It didn’t last as the Queen Mother didn’t like peanuts. The royals, of course, have to seemingly sit back and take all the abuse and slights, but they do have subtle ways of fighting back. When Trump visited the in 2018, the queen wore a brooch that was given to her by the Obamas, the next day she wore a brooch her mother wore at the funeral of King George in 1952, and on the next day a brooch that was a gift from the Canadian people. Rumors that the next piece of jewelry to be worn featured the phrase “Go away you feckless blowhard” are unconfirmed. A year later, when Trump was in town again, the queen wore a tiara given to her by the people of Myanmar that was said to be a “symbol of protection against illness and evil.” Maybe she should pop it on when Prince Andrew comes over for tea. CAPTION COMPETITION “Look into my eyes, not around the eyes, straight into the eyes. You feel very sleepy…” Can you do better? Email [email protected] or on Twitter pdallisonesque Last week we gave you this photo Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our postbag there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze. “Sacrebleu. I cannot let vous insultez la virilité of Global Britain, mon vieil ami et allié français,” by Rory Watson. Paul Dallison is POLITICOs slot news editor